Catherynne M. Valente’s new novel is about a washed-up glam pop rocker who turns out to be humanity’s only hope of surviving the galactic version of a Turing test and not being wiped off the face of the planet to make from for the next proto-sentient species to show up. As the author says in the afterword, it owes a lot to Douglas Adams, as do we all. Think of it as  The Rock Concert at the End of the Universe meets Galactic Idol. There really should be a playlist for reading this.

When aliens show up to tell us we’re being considered for entry into galactic civilization, pretty much everyone is dismayed to learn that A) There will be a test. B) Failing the test means humanity gets wiped out, and C) our only hope is for a washed up, not to mention one-third dead,  glam rock pop group to win a competition against groups representing the member races of the galaxy.

Earth doesn’t get to pick their own champions, because the galactics have found that doesn’t end well for the applying species. Instead, a member of the last race to get in, more familiar with what sells on the galactic stage, picks for us. That’s how we wind up with The Absolute Zeros as our ambassadors to the stars, or what’s left of them; Decibel Jones, The frontman, and Oort Ultraviolet, an instrumental polymath and the rational core of the group. Unfortunately, the heart of the group, Mira Wonderful Star, died in a crash a while back.

To add a little drama to the proceedings, it’s perfectly ok to kidnap, maim, or kill other contestants. Now there’s a rule reality TV should give a try.

That’s the deal, and what ensues is a mashup of galactic culture, pop music drama, a fair stab at channeling Douglas Adams absurd travelogues and sidebars to create a manic romp that is actually genuine space opera, even if the title may be a bit on the nose.

Actually, no. It’s perfect.

This may not be for everyone. Catherynne Valente doesn’t care for getting at things right off the bat. She likes to chew up the scenery with colorful diversions, dalliance, and disturbances of the galactic force. If passages like that amuse you, you might be the target audience.

“The winner of the first Grand Prix was an Alunizar ultratenor girl group called Glagol Jsem and the Death of All That Came Before, singing what would become the first interstellar smash single, “Maybe We’ll Just Stay in Tonight Instead of Doing the Whole Intergalactic Civil War Thing, Wouldn’t That Be Nice?” Five massive tubular sea squirts, protean tubes of golden and violet and scarlet veined flesh with a round, cilia-fringed siphon at each end that served as mouth, nose, face, cyclopean eye, and simple jet-propulsion system, undulated with passion. Their siphons, gaping with grief and ecstasy, hovered in the air above the weeping crowd, …” – Space Opera by Catherine M. Volente

For me, there is a bit more of that than I really wanted, but I read for the plot rather than character or even setting. And hey…there’s an entire chapter on the zoology of whales in Moby Dick.

Is this sf comedy for the American Idol generation? Maybe. One can hope so, but it won’t displace The Hitchhikers Guide from that firmament. Not just because the Guide has the first mover advantage, but because it had more to say about the human condition. Still, it didn’t have as much to say about Europop, so there’s that.

A final note about the final note. Being a book as much about pop music as aliens, there are “Liner Notes” after the book where Catherine talks about the people, processes, and her cat which went into the book. I wish she had put it first, as it really does add to the story. And it’s reassuring that the author didn’t know what Eurovision was either.